"State of California Vs. Church of the Holy Down & Back"

SACRAMENTO, CALIF (ARP)-- On Friday, the California Supreme court heard the fifth day of testimony in, what's now being called, the Dog Show Church trial. In what's been described as a media dog and pony show, testimony for the defense has ended.  Judge Thera Peale has recessed court until Monday when attorneys for both sides of the debate return for closing statements.

The controversial case stems from a group calling themselves "The Church of the Holy Down and Back", who claim that they are a church under the laws of state and federal guidelines. As such, they feel they are entitled to tax exempt status. The Church, basically, claims dog showing as a religion.
"We meet every weekend under the guidance of our ministers. Our rituals involve attending services well dressed, and giving offerings of meats to the sacred ones. We honor those of our flock that follow the doctrine and teachings with bits of blessed cloth. Sinners are disqualified and sent to repent outside the ring of judgment. We have fellowship and community. We even have a youth program. We do qualify as a religion under the standards the state has set down", explains Carl Lupehoal, alleged spiritual leader of the self-proclaimed church.  "Yes, our members can write off ceremonial donations and other contributions to the church. Our church can claim non-profit religious status without paying taxes. But, every other church does this, why should our members be discriminated against?"

The state of California franchise board has a different take on the organization. The state claims that Mr. Lupehoal and his congregation, or kennel club, are only trying to avoid paying taxes, and illegally write off hobby expenses passing them off as charitable contributions. The state also contends that the 'ceremonial donations' are actually dog show entry fees; the ministers are only judges and the youth education program is nothing more than junior handling. The state has presented its case, asserting that the whole thing is a scam, and the organization and its members are all guilty of fraud and failure to pay state taxes. The prosecution brought evidence before the court that to qualify as a religion, one must have a superhuman power at its core. The state of California does not believe canines qualify, albeit, they are not human.

What will the jury decide? There are those that would point out that many ancient civilizations worshipped dog-gods. Some might consider this as a test of freedom of religion in our country. Many believe as the state of California, that the whole thing is a giant, legal handling trick and that these people should be culled, or at the very least, kept on a short leash. Whether the state of California rules for the Church of the Holy Down and Back or not, we have been told by some of its followers that the church will continue to operate, whether tax exempt or not. Its members say they will be dressing up, driving hundreds of miles on Sunday, and running around in circles with liver in their pockets.  The American Kennel Club is following this case closely.

Associated Ridiculous Press -- 8/13/04
copyright, 2004 Linda Hardman
"Angels  fly because they take themselves lightly"